Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
