Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
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