If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
