Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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