Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
