did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
