how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
