some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
