omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
