We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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