Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
