ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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