Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
