so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
