Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
