dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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