you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
