this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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