This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
