Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
