He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
