I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
