I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
