just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
