I swear she didn't look like that last week.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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