No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
