I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
