remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
