she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
high people should be assigned attendants
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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