So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
