If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
