I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
