i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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