like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
