You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
