Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
