There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
