Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My vagina just clenched in fear
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