you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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