so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Your penis caused this!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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