My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
