she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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