Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
