I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
