jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
