I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
