Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We are two peas in an std pod
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
