I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
