You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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