Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
